A Mustard Seed Faith

Sometimes the most honest prayers we can pray are the ones that sound like "This is hard. I'm scared. Please help"

The one thing I knew I wanted to take back as a souvenier from my Israel trip were mustard seeds, to have out as a reminder of what Jesus teaches us about having faith the size of a mustard seed. If you haven't seen a mustard seed, they are so small, you can hardly see just one single seed if it was in your hand. In the bible, Jesus teaches that if we have faith even as small as a mustard seed, we can move mountains, and it will grow just like a mustard seed will, one tiny seed if planted will grow into something so much bigger. Even with such a small amount of faith, we can do so much more then we can imagine, and that is all we need for Jesus to do the work in us and flourish that faith! 

I have never understood that illustration more then the past couple of months. When my health started going off the edge and it went from living in pain everyday, to living in anguish where I felt like my new normal was crying each day because it hurt so much and was incredibly uncomfortable, and I could hardly even look at myself without feeling disgusted. It was getting worse as the days went on, always one thing after another and I felt like I couldn't even catch a breath some days, because it felt so suffocating and too much for me to handle. It drained me so much I got to a point where I felt like I couldn't go on anymore and something had to change, because I couldn't live through another day like this, in this pain and frustration and exhaustion. It was in that moment where I prayed one of the most honest prayers, surrendering everything, every broken part in my body down to the breath I was breathing, crying out to God that this was too much and I was absolutely terrified I would never get out of it. I was too exhausted to go on and I needed Him. And instead of praying for healing this time, I prayed for relief, just relief so that I could go on living each day more comfortably. There is power in a prayer like that, it was like the whole weight of my health was taken off of me in that moment and it allowed me just enough strength to continue on getting up each day with the little faith I could find in knowing that things wouldn't be like this forever, and that God had His hand in this. It was definietly the size of a mustard seed, but it was enough, enough for God to work with.

I have seen a significant change in me mentally, and even though my physical ailments are still there, poking at me each day, something has shifted. When all I could give was a mustard seed faith at first, that was all I needed to do, was to not give up on God and He turned that little faith into something bigger each day, and with that faith, He gave me more power and strength that I did not even know existed in me, and I was able to start seeing my condition and life in a whole new way. A faith like a mustard seed has so much more power then we may think, and we don't have to believe we have to always be this strong and courageous christian who never wavers from God, because we are human, and some things may seem impossible to handle, but all He asks is that we keep trusting Him and having that faith, and He will only ever do what is best for us. I believe every trial God puts us through is to strengthen us and prepare us for what is ahead, flourishing us into the amazing people we are created to become, but also to test us, to see if in our lowest moments, we will still glorify God and not loose our faith in Him.  

I can not look at my mustard seeds the same anymore, because those tiny seeds have a whole new meaning to me now. It stands as a reminder each and every day of that moment when I didn't give up and for all the moments to come when I won't, because of the hope I have in Jesus to live for, and the strength I gain from Him with each new sunrise. It's a beautiful illustration Jesus gave us, and a challenege for everyone to have faith no matter what the circumstances are becasue God can use anything you give Him and will turn your pain and valleys into a great story, one that can change the lives of others and show the incredible strength and faith that God provided for you to survive those hard days, months, or years. We can look back and see in those trials, how much we learned and how we were molded and shaped into who we are today, and that would never have been possible without walking through the dark with God leading each and every step. Because on those days when it may be too hard, all we need is that mustard seed faith, to get up and keep moving forwards, and God will take that, and if we allow Him, He will grow it and turn it into something absolutely beautiful.